Yesterday’s blog sparked conversation with a friend about her situation. Her daughters father isn’t cooperative and makes promises to the child he doesn’t keep. Clearly has other priorities..and is full of lame excuses.. It’s time for that mother to sever communication altogether!
Specifically to my situation with my son. When his dad and I broke up.. He was a year old. Dad was going through a transition and was learning how to balance his own life and put priorities in place..therefore..treating his time with our son as an option or a decision he made if all else fell in place for him. That lasted a real brief minute because I wasn’t having it!! But more importantly, because in HIS heart.. He WANTED to do better. I ceased all communication for almost 3 months. He felt the pain of having his “options” limited, and started understanding that being present for our son was his obligation. Just like going to work everyday, and paying his bills were. Since then.. He’s been 100% present. Will his “present” ever equate to mine? NO! I’m the residential parent. I get ALL the “stuff”, but I share as much as possible with him so he stays in the loop.
The damage that the “in and out” does to a child is irreversible. My father damaged me with his cameo appearances every 6 months. He’d give me a wonderful weekend of breakfast and lunches together..the experience of waking up to him being there for 48 hours, only to yearn him even more for weeks after he left. I used to get emotional asthma from the anxious feeling I got when I knew his visits were drawing near. I cried the hardest when he walked out the door..and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t important enough for him to make the choice to stay. This created an insecure child, and later a broken young lady. Looking for love in all the wrong places.
I’m grateful for my mother and her undying love, but I needed my daddy. Her love couldn’t fix the damage he was causing. I now wish she would’ve put her foot down and did what was best..which was taking away his options. Think about that if this situation is familiar to you. Protect your babies!