We don’t need to be friends…. Just take care of your kid!

*****I am not a certified relationship specialist. I am simply a single mother who has managed to develop healthy loving relationships with the two men that father my two children, and I want to share what works for us.*********

I am always interested in why people feel that it is not important for them to get along with the other parent when the relationship is over.  It is a mentality that is foreign to me.  Since I can remember, I have been around “broken” families. Coming from a low income housing environment, with more single parent households than not being my norm, one would think I would’ve  subscribed to that common belief.  Instead, I became painfully aware of the challenges kids face when they don’t have the balance that is required for a well-rounded, emotionally healthy, upbringing.  Does this mean I believe that all two parent households are guaranteed to be better than some single parent households?  Absolutely NOT! I am talking about the need for HEALTHY environments, which later promote emotionally healthy people.

Now…imagine you have started a business venture with a partner.  The business is doing very well, but with time, things start changing a bit.  One of you is truly sacrificing, while the other one is coming in and helping his/herself to the profits, and having a good time.  You both start feeling like the other is not doing enough.  Do you just throw your hard work and effort out the window?  Do you disregard your commitment to making this business thrive, when you are clearly aware of its potential, when all it needs is for the two of you to get your act together? OK! So you might not work well together under the roles you currently took to run the business.  It might be time to change roles, right?

To me, the child/children is the business.  My ex’s and I are “business partners”.  It is our responsibility to keep the business running smoothly.  What happens when business partners start working on their own separate agendas?  Yep!  The business goes to crap!  Now, I don’t know about you, but my business is way too important to me, to allow my partner or I to get in the way of its success. So…we have to find a way to work well together, and put our personal issues/feelings aside, and focus on the business at hand.  Does that make sense?

The word “friend” may be too much for you to use when describing your ex.  Maybe you haven’t gotten there.  How about “Business Partner”?  Can you conform to that?  Would you agree that if business partners never speak, and never keep the other person informed as it pertains to the actions taken that affect the business, chances are things are going to fall apart?  When asked most corporate employees “what is the biggest flaw your company has, that leads to you having to do double work?”, the answer is usually “lack of communication”. 

It is absolutely necessary for you to communicate with the other parent.  Children are more aware than we give them credit for, and one thing I know for sure is….they will take advantage of the inability of their parents to effectively communicate.  Two uncommunicative parents, is the devil’s playground….TRUST!







2 thoughts on “We don’t need to be friends…. Just take care of your kid!

  1. In a perfect world two adults should be able to communicate especially when it comes to their children. In reality it is not that easy. As a mother I have had to learn that I can only account for my actions and must often compensate for the inaction of my child’s father. I can not force him to be a good parent I can only encourage it. Sometimes it just isn’t as easy as it sounds.

    • Yes Rosa, I agree with you. You are really only responsible for yourself. The other parent has to be present becuase he chooses to, and can’t be forced. It’s a shame that some men think their parenting is an option, and not a requirement. I must admit, I have been extremely blessed in noth my situations. Both men strive to be good fathers, and leave me with very little to complain about in that area. It wasn’t always easy the second time around. Different man with different life experiences, and our break up left us in a bad place. However, he was always very big on family, so his need to be the best father he could be, prevailed. When I decided to start this blog, it was more for the women and man that let their anger about what went wromg im their relationship, interfere with the parenting of the kids.I’m sure you would agree that it is almost natural for us to use the children as pawns to hurt the other person, becuase we are still hurt and unable to get over the “stuff”. I see that type of behavior more and more, and I want to let people know that you CAN put yourself aside, and that you CAN dislike the father/mother of your child, and yet still commit to having a healthy relationship as parents. I am living proof! I won’t bore you with details but…let’s just say…I am a very big fan of “SNAPPED” and “48 Hours HArd Evidence”, as I started being a faithful viewer 9 years ago (when I separated from my son’s dad) LOL!! We’ve worked really hard at having a good relationship, and today, I wouldn’t change what we have for anyone!

      I am not sure what your situation is, but I would say, try not to speak ill of your child’s father to your child. He/She will grow up, and will determine for themselves what’s what. i use to think my absent father walked on water, and would fight with my mom when he made his cameo appearences, if she fought with him. I would say that her fighting with him was the reason he came by every 6 months. HA! She never talked bad about him. I started seeing the truth around the age of 13. Now, I can happily say, I have no respect for the man my father is, and I would’ve rathered if he left and never came back! But you see….when that day came…it was all me. My mother’s thoughts and opinions, had very little to do with my feelings.

      Stay positive!
      Thanks for sharing with me, and I look forward to chatting again sometime!

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