*****I am not a certified relationship specialist. I am simply a single mother who has managed to develop healthy loving relationships with the two men that father my two children, and I want to share what works for us.*********
I am always interested in why people feel that it is not important for them to get along with the other parent when the relationship is over. It is a mentality that is foreign to me. Since I can remember, I have been around “broken” families. Coming from a low income housing environment, with more single parent households than not being my norm, one would think I would’ve subscribed to that common belief. Instead, I became painfully aware of the challenges kids face when they don’t have the balance that is required for a well-rounded, emotionally healthy, upbringing. Does this mean I believe that all two parent households are guaranteed to be better than some single parent households? Absolutely NOT! I am talking about the need for HEALTHY environments, which later promote emotionally healthy people.
Now…imagine you have started a business venture with a partner. The business is doing very well, but with time, things start changing a bit. One of you is truly sacrificing, while the other one is coming in and helping his/herself to the profits, and having a good time. You both start feeling like the other is not doing enough. Do you just throw your hard work and effort out the window? Do you disregard your commitment to making this business thrive, when you are clearly aware of its potential, when all it needs is for the two of you to get your act together? OK! So you might not work well together under the roles you currently took to run the business. It might be time to change roles, right?
To me, the child/children is the business. My ex’s and I are “business partners”. It is our responsibility to keep the business running smoothly. What happens when business partners start working on their own separate agendas? Yep! The business goes to crap! Now, I don’t know about you, but my business is way too important to me, to allow my partner or I to get in the way of its success. So…we have to find a way to work well together, and put our personal issues/feelings aside, and focus on the business at hand. Does that make sense?
The word “friend” may be too much for you to use when describing your ex. Maybe you haven’t gotten there. How about “Business Partner”? Can you conform to that? Would you agree that if business partners never speak, and never keep the other person informed as it pertains to the actions taken that affect the business, chances are things are going to fall apart? When asked most corporate employees “what is the biggest flaw your company has, that leads to you having to do double work?”, the answer is usually “lack of communication”.
It is absolutely necessary for you to communicate with the other parent. Children are more aware than we give them credit for, and one thing I know for sure is….they will take advantage of the inability of their parents to effectively communicate. Two uncommunicative parents, is the devil’s playground….TRUST!